B.O. WRITES... HOW-TO: Window Replacement In 5 Or 6 Steps! (What To Do If Crack-heads Break Your Window)

Since Crack-heads stole Joe's camera bag that had his batteries in it, photography is taken via cell phone, compliments of Chastaine Tallon- Thanks Chass!

HEY GUYS, B.O. HERE!

Well, I knew it was bound to happen. That's the only thing I hate about cars- shit happens to them. Driving, is really like gambling at a casino- sometimes you run good, and sometimes you run bad.

So this particular night, I was still banged up from my Olympic hurdle-of-doom that, though attempted, I still failed miserably at. So here I was, barely able to move cause of a busted wrist and a strained knee; not to mention that I was a vegetable- half because Ryan got me some crazy pain pill from a stripper at the club he works at (some pill for the terminally ill)- that thing tent locked me! I was drifting in and out of consciousness all day. So while I lay, drooling on myself in the tent, Joe and Chassy wanted to take the car to downtown Portland to see a show with a friend we met, who apparently, knew some excellent local talent. I didn't care, so they took off for the show.

Come late night, Joe rolls in saying, "Ohh, good, your up. I might as well tell you now..." Joe continued on saying, "...somebody smashed the window and stole the camera bag."

So at this point, I really didn't care. 20 mg of an opiate, and you don't care about too much in life. Plus, I had been waiting for this to happen. Some old karma do's to pay perhaps, or maybe, just that we were giving it a chance to happen, by even driving in the first place. These are the risks you take for a such a valuable commodity.

I could have been a lot worse off though. I ended up finding a window at "budz recycle," for 35 bucks. The sucker even tried getting an extra 10 out of me!

I went in trying to get it for 25, so I can't feel too bad seeing as we met in the middle, and defended our fairness for market value of the glass in question. We hemmmed and hawwed about the car business for a minute, and I was on my way back to zip this thing back together.

Joe and and Chassy were the ones losing sleep over their CD collection that skipped like hell, and I just wanted the window fixed so we didn't look like a car full of junkies looting around in a car from Wisconsin, looking for crystal or something. My insurance papers are from a previous car I had owned, so if I got the right wise-guy cop, he might try to hassle me; my presentation needs to be top-notch. You've got to be squared up legally this day and age, although I do wish I could have lived in the days when you could say it was your grandpas, and the cop would tell you to mosey on down the trail.

The window was pretty easy actually. Just pop the interior panel, then snap out the lock-latch and the window switch, and in no time, I was at the window mount.

First thing though, you have to vacuum up all the glass in the door shell, or it will sound like maracas whenever you go over speed bumps. NOT a good sound come re-sale. The chunks of glass in the window seal needs to be scraped out, or the window will never seal, and it will sound like a tornado in Nebraska everytime you role the window up. Once all the broken glass is removed, it is time to detach the broken glass mounts. Watch the fingers though folks, you could get a boo boo if your not careful! Save the two 10 mil nuts, as you will be re-using them unless you are a chump, and you bought a brand new piece of glass, and it came with instructions, and a new nut sack. Simply slide the window through the space it sits, and then align the brackets. Once lined up snugly, tighten the two nuts we talked about saving, until secure.

The real trick to the re-assembly, is connecting the lock-switch firmly enough to stay in place, while the switch functions from locked to unlocked without detachment. I struggled with this part the longest, as its all about proper alignment between the lock rod, and the lock switch.

Even I had to call in back up, as I needed Chassy to hold the switch in place while I mounted the lock switch. First try- done!!

I wish I would of done that right away, but of course, who likes asking for help? So after the switch is tightened in place, you can attach the window switch, to the panel switch allot easier considering the room you have to work with. Push it into the designated area, and the panel is ready to be attached to the door shell. The only thing to keep in mind here, is putting enough plastic clips in place, and spaced equally on the inside of the panel. Inadequate clip numbers, and/or placement, can result in the panel falling off in the girl you just picked up's hand, and you looking like a hack- especially when you were 15 minutes late picking her up, because you were fixing your damn car.

Take the time guys, its well worth it in the end. All that's left at this point, is 1 more screw on the outer panel, and its done. One reminder: test each step as you continue assembling, so you know each variable is functioning properly before you proceed.

"Awwww Good 'ol cars, Ya gotta love 'em!"