By B.O: STATUS UPDATE: B.O's status as of 11/17/09

Hello it's B.O. This is my first and o' so official entry of what is the start of our great american journey. As you all know, or are finding out now this trip has had it's ups and downs, and quite a bit of just standing around. Good news though, the momentum is back in our blood. The regrets and apologies are in the past, and the evolution of the trip is forming nicely. Right now I'm in Jacksonville NC and have been here since the 7Th of this month, I have to admit I have been having some great times with my brother, but not so great times in my head. I have a number of reasons/excuses/effects- whatever you prefer to call them.
First and foremost, my brother who I'm staying with is an active Sergeant in the Marine Corps. So at his request, he needs a NO RISK environment, and I made the commitment to not self "medicate" while I'm with him. So, in the last 9-10 days my TETRAHYDROCANNABIAL consumption went from 'take as needed' to scraping resin, and taking a few drags every night (I'm completely out now after a wk of scraping). Now there is two points I would like to clear or justify, once again you make the call of what you think it is. 1st of all, to all you people who are against medical marjiauna or think it's highly addictive or puts holes in your brain, or whatever propaganda you believe- let me tell you first hand that I have been smoking for 9 yrs on a daily basis. The only days I've gone without, is the few times I was flying out of state in those 9 yrs. Yes I have minimum emotional, and a very very limited physical withdrawal after 9 yrs. I'm not suicidal, I'm not so desperate that I feel the need to ask strangers for it, and NOT once have I cried myself to sleep etc. etc. It is nothing like quiting caffeine, or cigs, and definitely nothing like the withdrawal from OC. Which unfortunately I know all to well about. 2ND point many of you might be thinking well if you have paraphernalia with resin you might as well have marijuana. Which is true but I don't have any medicine,and the pipe and grinder are very sentimental to me I just couldn't give them up yet and probably never will be able to. So think what you want I really don't give a fuck I think not smoking goes to show a high level of respect for my brother.

Now I like to call this the excuse for my anxiety, So I leave MN to escape the up coming cold weather and wouldn't you know It rains for like 5 fucking days in a row. So close your eyes and imagine are they closed? OK good no medicine, my van was not running (that's a whole other story) so I'm stuck in this fucking house with none of the above. I think a damn robot would be anxious and emotional in that scenario. So that leads to the reason I was emotionally fucked, so all I could do at that was sit and miss MN where the medicine is plentiful, the cola's flow like wine or something like that. At least in my mind they did when I was rideless' medicineless' and emotionally prisoned for the last wk. Well there is a good side to all this believe it or not. My prediction is coming true, after the shit weather stopped on Sunday I thought it would be in good taste to get out and walk my ass off in preparation for Joseph's arrival. I'm so glad I did. I walked 11.1 miles with a 40-50 lb pack on my back to this very nice inter-coastal water, I made it about 2 miles from destination, when my brother was off work, and on his way to get me, nontheless we clocked 11.1 miles. Where is the good part you ask? Well it broke me out of my anxious emotionally bound shell.

As I walked these roads to the water an overwhelming sense of power, untouchability, freedom, and a reality of living in this moment came over me. I have never felt this emotion before, lets just call it an awareness about my life, my destiny, a grateful feeling of how my life has been up to this moment in time. I felt so clear minded and free. It truly was the threshold of my great american journey, while I walked with my ass cheeks getting incredibly raw, with each step my feet beginning to feel like fire and starting to become unrecognizable to me. Even with the sun burning my face with every minute of exposure, the smile on my face grew. The hair's on my neck and arms straightened, and the powerful feeling of this moment surpassed the physical pain in my body. The anxiety is gone and now I can put full effort into gathering the essential equipment for the journey. NO PLANS NO DETAILS NO DISAPPOINTMENT'S. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN...

No comments: